7 Down, 2 Months to Go!

I have been spending so much time reading OTHER people's writing lately that I haven't written anything for myself in quite some time. But now I can happily say as I finally become more proficient at grading papers, preparing for the day of teaching, calling parents, etc. etc. I am able to regain my life back. In these first few months of teaching I've learned SO much it's hard to begin to articulate. However, assuming I'm blessed enough/crazy enough to be able to try this whole teaching thing again next year, there are a few things I want to write down.

These past seven months have been packed full of troubles, with a few glimmering memories shining through as well. I've watched one student be expelled. Dozens suspended. I've heard hateful comments. I've heard threats. To others, and also to me. I've heard "I hate this class because I HATE writing!" so many dozens of times, despite my diligent efforts to spice things up with a year-long autobiography, the Grammar Olymics, and numerous creative writing activities. I've co-directed my first school play.I've served on commitees, I've watched students serve detentions. Before school. During School. After School. I've worked. I've worked on Sundays, I've been at work at 9:00 p.m. I've broken down in front of co-workers, and in front of superiors. I will never break down in front of my students.

Yesterday, I was at (another) bottom low, wondering, "Why don't they see I'm trying SO hard?" "Why can't they forget I'm the 'new' teacher?" But God must still want me in this, because this morning when I got to work, I opened my email and I found this:

Hello Ms. D.,

I know some students disrespect you but I just wanted to let you to know that I think you’re a really cool teacher. I know everybody hates doing essays but I love writing them. I was sad last year when you left my social studies class. But yea you’re an awesome teacher!

Every tear I've cried, hour I've devoted beyond my modest paycheck, every ounce of effort has been worth it, because one student cares. That's all it takes: ONE, to make it all worth it. No, this has not been the first student that has told me she's enjoyed my class. But I can tell you the ratio of difficult situations far outnumber the pleasant words, but these moments are so precious that they outweigh any number of difficulties.

Every moment of every day cannot be exciting. Yes, I can play games, have students write to businesses and international students, use food to incorporate sensory detail, and so forth, but every second cannot be this thrilling. This is a writing class, and sometimes, we have to do just that-write!

Kids don't dislike "Katie" they only dislike "Teacher Katie." It took me a REALLY long time to realize no matter how hard I try to connect, no matter how friendly yet fair I can be, some kids just won't like me. Whether it's because of something I said on the first day of school, or a plain clash in personalities, I won't be liked by EVERY. SINGLE. KID. But! It's not me that they dislike, it's the TEACHER me. I have grown a much tougher skin, and learned not to take things personally.

Take the time to form relationships. At the start, I was sooo busy all the time. Busy planning. Busy grading. Attendance, lunch count, so many little things to think about, it was all I could do just to get through the day in one piece. Now, I realize that it's those little deposits that make kids respect you. It's all about MUTUAL RESPECT. If a kid is feeling down, however irrational their woes may be, it means the world to them if you just take the time to say a kind word, pay a compliment, write a nice note. That one small gesture can be cashed in for a positive rapport for weeks on end.

When I was in college, there was a brief point in time, during my sophomore year, when I thought perhaps I had made a mistake, and I had another calling besides teaching. Completely distraught over what to do, I met with a very wise professor who gave me this analogy:

"If you were offered cherry and apple pie, you may not know which to choose. However, if someone told you, Katie, that you couldn't have a piece of apple pie, would that make you want it even more?" I thought about it, and then realized it would. We realize our true desires when they are being taken away from us.

Now, as the school year comes to a close, my job is on the line. Due to budget cuts, I may or may not have a teaching position for next year. I have spent months trying to decide if I want to teach, let alone stay in the district. When I was told I may not have a choice, my heart dropped. That's when I realized that no matter how difficult it may be, my true desire is to teach. I don't feel like I'm ready to be done in  my district yet. I am very much looking forward to that second year, when I'm just a little bit better than the first year. I sincerely hope I get the opportunity to have that "second year," but I know one thing for certain. No matter where I end up, I am still meant to teach.